currently listening to..

I Caught Myself (Twilight Soundtrack Version) - Hayley Williams This sucks. Right now, my mood is crushed. Yea, I'm feeling a bit emo. Gay. But Ive realized that now that there is no hope between me and him. The one that im still trying to completely get over. I know I shouldnt be feeling this way at all because I know that this is not worth the trouble at all, but this is how I feel. I cant completely stop myself on feeling this way. There was a good past between us, but also bitter. And for him to completely erase me away from his life, well I guess I'm not even worth it. And what happened to being "GOOD FRIENDS"? What Happened? Really I dont know. I feel like Im a bad person for him to be seeing me this way. Still with my old ways and such. I cant help it. Im lost. Im trying to find myself, without him. How stupid is that? That when we were a couple before that he would be my everything as I was to him. And now Im nothing. I need to be strong, because deep down inside I know I can fight this. I HAVE TO FIGHT THIS. Me feeling this way is not good for my health. Stressing, Wondering, and Hoping. Its all just a waste of my time. Im forgotten.

back home from 2 days or MONTEREY!

damn, i took hella pics of my stay there in monterey, but im sorry to tell you that ill be posting the pics up a little later. Sorry! and their good ones too! The weather there was DELIGHTFUL! i didnt want to leave and then coming back just now to this stinking FOGGY weather of the CENTRAL VALLEY! gay! but yea, my "weekend" was a trip. lol. chillin with the fam, eating hella CLAM CHOWDER! and then FISHING! good american past time. Lol. AND I FINALLY FINISHED READING TWILIGHT! lol. on to start off with the next one. and so on, and so on. i told im aDICKted. LOL. Then finding out the wierdest thing that im being shit talked about. REALLY NOW??? THATS NOT RIGHT. its about the same person, and really, i havent even thought about him or talked about him in really such a long time! but thanks for informing me beezy! and well, my trip was fun, i promise you all that i will post the pics up. i have a tendency of posting up pics real late! lol. and their really good ones too! PEACE ON E-ARTH!

forgot to post.

this cool ass park in mountain house! the story behind this pic. JEN FELL! it was pretty epic, that i remember standing there watching her swing and then all of a sudden Jen flying in the air and falling straight down on her ass that it was sooo freaking hilarious that I couldnt keep my posture and fell to the ground laughing soo hard almost tearing up. As you can see with my friend Rica as well. This day, i havent laughed so hard in my life in a really long time and to me, that's a big deal you know???? lol. I love these people. LOL. me and Rica on this spinning disc of terror!!! I was chicken shit to try this one out because it gets you really dizzy and then you fall off HARD! but i tried it to see what the fuss was about, and i did fall a couple times. hahaha. Sheila spinned me soo fast that it was literally soo hard to hold on! Im actually spinning here. Holding so tight for my life! This is JEN.

Well Hello there! havent blogged in quite a while. So might as well do it right now! For those of you whom I didnt get to greet a merry christmas, well, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU! sorry if it was sooo late of a respond or anything. Too too busy with the Family. Christmas was really fun. I love all of my presents. Thank you! lol. Well anyways just thoughts? no pictures? Sorry! Nothing else new in my world. YET. Just being myself as always. Im too bored with this blogging thing! But I will make this thing a little bit more interesting soon. Real soon. Right now Im at my grandmas house. Everybody downstairs playing mahjong. HARDCORE MAH JONG PLAYERS I SWEAR! but i love them. my family...

Mickey's twice upon a christmas..

christmas time is near, im excited yet once again to spend time with family. the people i love the most. I wish i could also be in Kauai to spend time with the family over there too. I miss them folks. Lindsey's baby is getting sooo big! TABACHOY! hes a little cutie, lol. Baby Charlie. Well im sitting here, babysitting the twins and gabe, watching a Mickey Mouse xmas special. They love that mouse so much! lol. Sucks that I am hella broke to buy everyone gifts this year. hella broke! BUT ITS OKAY, ill be making my presents! STILL! i know! painting on canvases, duh. lol. ehk im bored with blogger right now. im out.

Fuck!!!

Fuck man!!! Someone take me home!!!I want to sleep on my own bed.bullshit man I'm such a baby.LOL but yea seriously, this is how I am,when I think I'm ready to sleep over anywhere, I tend to get homesick.hahaha sorry for my bullshit, I'm high and drunk right now. So crazy, but yea. I just want to vent on everything that's going on right now.by I can't because it will take me hella long to say shit!!

check this out!

yea i think this is soo cool!!! only would wear this on this season though!

from the vault.

Baby Mylah, yea she still has this same exact face when shes mad, sad, angry, or just being Mylah. Shes older now, but I always love seeing this picture. Even though it reminds me of those Sally Struthers infomercial about starving children in low poverty countries. But when you look at this picture, what does it remind you of?? I would love to know. :)

meat

I have MAD respect for this well talented artist! Stockton Represent! hahah wait, what??. But foreal, if you ever hit up the streets of stockton, you'll probably come across one of these of what I call "meat shrooms". Mostly hella people in the 209 area know about him. He's legit yo! Pics courtesy of his myspace. :)

sam flores obsessed.

This is how i want my room to look like!!!! Oh my goodness. Yea, Im obsessed with this artist mannnn..

guns and roses

This song reminds me soo much of my Mom and Dad when they were together then. Guns and Roses baby! I mean, who doesnt love real rock music? Some rock music now are whack. But I will forever be a guns and roses fan, because I basically grew up listening to this kind of music because of my Dad. He actually has good music taste.

just thoughts

I spoke to an old friend Nick yesterday! Old homie from San Jose. I miss that fool. Remember that his Birthday is December 22! Trying to make a trip down to San Jose this month. I miss it like crazy. It was cool talking to him, just talking about the good old days and shit. He was telling me that my old house looks the same. But Gridley st. got really bad throughout the years! There would be drive by's on that street! Its crazy because I grew up in that house, Me and my bro and cousins would play in the streets and now what has that neighborhood become? Full of nortenos he said. FUUUCK. damn! Well thats San Jose for you! OOhhh, but I miss it. And that park! Gang bangers! Damn! Its crazy. But things change. And good things dont last forever. So Im okay with it. I miss nick! And other San Jose friends! Ehk. So what happened today? Nothing really, just packing all my stuff moving to another house. Happened too sudden. Im just whatever about it. Hella people are moving right now. The economy Im guessing? People moving into cheaper houses, and some other people getting layed off from jobs. Thats pretty whack. But I hope everything turns out good i hope.. Shit. hmmmmm.. Ive been pretty content, forgetting about everything Ive lost. So many. And completely COOL about everything! YAY! I wont expect anything thats gonna happen in the new year. "Wasn't it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me, things are gonna happen naturally.." -JASON MRAZ. That man has the best music that I can relate to. And I LOVE HIM!!! OKAY. GONE.

ice skating!

WAS FUNNN!!!! EXCEPT THAT JEN FELL. THAT WAS HILARIOUS. BUT NOT. HEHEHE. I SOOO LOVE BEING FIFTH WHEEL! HAHAHAH FUCK THAT. I LOVE EM.

blackbookers.

babysitting.

Is fun, especially with this little boy. So full of imagination! My baby brother, the little terrorizer. He makes me smile every single day. his "toy cup" castle. Lol. the cups i used for my jello shots! Glad he put them to good use!

im aDICKted.

Didnt think I would be, but ive fallen into the whole "twilight mania" shit. NUFF SAID.